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Information available on line relating to fund raising by The Jack Dulson Memorial Fund and charities that have worked with the family:
There is considerable information available on your local Coroner’s Office web site. When your child dies it is an extremely difficult time for you, your family and friends. You really do not take everything in. Maybe ask a friend to go along with you and listen/write things down. Officialdom can be bewildering, especially through what we can only describe as the worst time of your life.
Counselling services are useful when a child dies, but sadly appointments are not as ‘readily’ available as you may imagine. What you need is someone to talk to at the time you want to talk, not weeks of waiting. Do talk to your GP and ask for a referral, but remember this can take some weeks to come to fruition. Don’t be embarrassed to say that you can’t wait any longer. It is vitally important that you now from the outset that these professionals cannot ‘fix’ the problem, but they can provide you with various skills to help you ‘get through’. There are several stages of grief and you will feel these at different times, some recur several times. The second and subsequent years after a child’s death are no easier than the initial trauma and shock of losing a child. You may need extra support, counselling and medical help all the way. Friends and family members can also lend a useful ear, provide you with a decent meal and some time to chill along the way. Don’t ever worry about repeating an story. You should never let go of the happy memories, but it is more difficult than people ever imagine to let go of the trauma that comes before, during and after a child passes away.
When you lose a child the one thing you need to focus on are happier times. When you are ready take a look at photos and video, talk to family and friends, take a look at your child’s belongings. All of this can take weeks, months or years, but there will hopefully come a time when you feel able to do these things. In any case, write down what you feel as, one day, you may be able to help someone else get through.
You read so often of family relationship difficulties after the loss of a child, whatever the cause. Seek support and remember to talk to your loved ones. You won’t want to, but you need to maintain those bonds that are so very important to you all. The tendency can be to push people away. You may need help to get through these feelings, which can be long term. You may even feel that those bonds are no longer important. Seek medical advice and counselling if you are struggling, but ultimately remember who cares for you deeply. The death of a loved one can cause depression so do be careful that you stay in touch with your medical team and counsellors to identify whether you are going through grief or have in fact become depressed. If you aren’t getting any sleep because of a traumatic experience, flashbacks after your child has passed away do tell your family, friends and your GP. It is important that someone understands how you are feeling. Don’t worry about talking. Those close to you definitely understand, although the closest too you often fail to accept that who you were can no longer be the same. Never be embarrassed by how you feel. Your situation is no longer as it was. There will be a way forward for you, but it is difficult and trying to be as you were before is most likely not going to happen. Try to accept, with your family, that you will have to go through the phases of grief and that losing a child will probably the worst thing that can happen to you.
“We want to ‘make a difference’ and to ensure that Jack William Dulson is never forgotten.”